Posts Tagged ‘happiness’

A poem + an invitation

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

Sweet Darkness

You must learn one thing.

The world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds

except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet

confinement of your aloneness

to learn

anything or anyone

that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

- David Whyte

It is my mission to help you discover what brings you alive and create a life based on this, a life that makes your soul sing.

I am offering a six session telecourse beginning next week designed to help you do just this.

Please go to http://www.letyoursoulsing.com to learn more and to sign up.  You will receive the special bonus of a complimentary one half hour coaching session with me if you sign up by tomorrow.

Jeannette

Appreciation – Experience It!

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

Your experience of reality is largely determined by where you place your focus. If you spend most of your time paying attention to the problems in your life, you are more likely to feel anxious and troubled. Conversely, if you choose to focus on what is working in your life, or on the positive things in your surroundings, you will feel calmer and more optimistic.

It is not that your problems are not important and I am certainly not suggesting that you ignore them. However, there are many, many other aspects of your life that you can focus on.

Paying attention to your daily blessings may not change your problems, but it can transform your attitude towards life, making you better able to deal with the issues you face.

Research has shown that people who spend time appreciating their pleasurable experiences enjoy higher levels of happiness. You can replicate these experiments in your own life.

Put a pad beside your bed and right before you go to sleep write down five things that you appreciated during the day. These can be very simple things like the enjoying the successful accomplishment of a task or receiving an unexpected kindness from a co-worker. They can be sensual pleasures, such as a beautiful sunset, or the intense chocolate flavor of the ice cream you ate at lunch. Life truly is made of little things.

Practice doing this for two weeks. On the first night, record your level of happiness on a scale from 1 to 10. Then repeat this rating fourteen days later. If you are like most people, you will notice that your overall level of happiness has improved. This may lead you to continue the practice of noting the things you appreciate!

It’s a powerful way to make your good life better.

Baby Steps Will Get You There!

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

Inch by inch, life’s a cinch. Yard by yard, it’s real hard.

Are you procrastinating, overwhelmed by the size of an important task you need to complete?  When faced with a big job, think small.

It’s easy to become paralyzed when the job you need to do seems too big to handle.  In those situations it’s helpful to remember the salami image.  There’s no way in the world you can stuff an entire salami in your mouth, but you can polish it off easily one slice at a time.  The thinner the slices, the easier it is to do.

It’s crucial to break any big job into doable steps. When faced with a daunting task, first identify the steps necessary to reach your goal.  The smaller the steps, the easier they are to accomplish.  Once you get moving by taking baby steps, you develop momentum. That momentum will help you move forward, enjoying the task as you go.

The operative word here is “doable.” Most people stymie themselves with unrealistic demands.  Unwilling to be satisfied with small steps, they end up doing nothing. It is important to delight in any progress you make while working toward a goal, no matter how small that progress may seem.

A client came to me recently seeking help to finish his doctoral dissertation.  He needed a Ph.D. in order to get the job he wanted and he couldn’t get his Ph.D. until his dissertation was complete.  He had been working on the dissertation for over a year. By the time he came to see me he had done no work on it at all for several months and was completely stuck.

My client and I identified fifteen small steps that would enable him move forward.  We determined that he could reasonably expect to complete the first two of those steps by our next session.

“I couldn’t be happy with that,” he protested.  “I’d feel like I hadn’t done enough if THAT were all I accomplished!  I’d need to get at least eight of those steps done to feel satisfied.”  Of course, even five of the steps we had identified would have been too much to realistically accomplish in one week. Overwhelmed with so much, my client would have fallen back into his old pattern of doing nothing.

How often are you like my client?  Unable to live up to unrealistic expectations, do you end up doing nothing at all?

If there is an important project that you are stuck on, ask yourself, “Am I insisting on too much from myself?”  If your expectations are unrealistic, you may thwart your own progress.

Examine whatever daunting task you are facing.  Break it down into the smallest possible steps. Set realistic goals related to accomplishing those steps.  By giving yourself permission to take baby steps, you will begin moving in the right direction.  The progress you make will encourage you to keep going. In this way you will eventually achieve your goal.

In fact, my client felt great after completing the two small steps he set out to do that first week.  Getting at least something done was a definite improvement over the inactivity of the preceding months.  The following week he accomplished the next small segment. Before long he was rolling ahead toward completing his dissertation.

When you allow yourself to be satisfied with baby steps, you, too, will achieve your goals and make your good life better.

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.