When you are upset about something, it may feel like there’s no way you could calm down. In fact, there are simple, straightforward techniques you can use to transform upset into calm. When you do, you’ll deal more effectively with the situation.
Here are the steps you can use to transform upset into calm.
First notice how you feel as you let upset overtake you. Pay careful attention to the impact of your upset on your body and your mind.
Notice any tightness in your muscles or clenching in your gut. Be aware of the unpleasant thoughts and feelings aroused by your outrage. If your criticism is directed at yourself, notice how undermining those attacks on yourself truly are.
Then ask yourself, “How would I be, if I weren’t reacting this way?”
If you are honest with yourself, you will note that you would be calmer and more peaceful, more comfortable and better able to deal with the situation if you were free of your upset.
From this perspective, you can see that your own upset is as much of a problem as whatever provoked your response.
Really allow yourself to imagine fully how it would feel to remain calm. Invite the thoughts that would support a calm response, such as “This really isn’t all that important” or “Maybe s/he didn’t do that to hurt me.”
Visualize yourself responding appropriately when frustrated, disappointed or angry. Then practice the calm you have visualized
As you begin to visualize alternatives to overreacting, you become aware of the choices available to you. When you feel your upset beginning to arise, take a deep breath and consider your options. Ask yourself, “Would I rather be upset or calm in this situation?”
Gradually, as you practice new patterns of thought and behavior, you will replace the habit of upset with the habit of calm.