Expressing appreciation to the people around you will improve your relationships. Whether it’s family, friends or co-workers, people will feel better when you let them know you have noticed the kind or helpful things they have done. When they feel better, they are more likely to repeat these behaviors and that will benefit you.
Some people have trouble expressing appreciation because they believe that the other person is supposed to do the job anyway. Why thank your co-worker for getting the report to you on time? That’s part of her job, isn’t it? Why make a big deal over your husband’s folding the laundry? Nobody thanks you when you do household chores.
While this attitude may be perfectly justified, it is not helpful. Expressing appreciation is a win/win/win. You win, the other person wins and the relationship itself benefits.
The Other Person Wins
Think back to times when people have thanked you. Remember how good it felt to have your effort acknowledged. Your co-workers, friends and family will feel just as good when you acknowledge them.
Notice the response of the people you thank. Their pleasure at being recognized can help enhance your own.
You Win
In order to express appreciation, you need to notice the positive things that others do for you. In relationships it’s all too easy to focus on the things other people do that drive you crazy. You will feel more cared for the more you notice the small, helpful, caring things that those around you do.
Letting another person know when they’ve done something that pleases you is a form of positive reinforcement. When you let the other person know that what they did pleases you, they get the message that doing such things for you truly matters. This makes it more likely that they will go out of their way to do such things again and you will get more of what you want, need and deserve.
The Relationship Benefits
Research has shown that relationship satisfaction correlates with the number of positive interactions. The more pleasing exchanges there are in a relationship, the higher the overall level of relationship satisfaction.
Acknowledging the other person’s kindness or a job well done creates a positive interaction which enhances the general level of good will in the relationship. Both people feel better about the relationship and each other. The positive momentum created in this way makes it more likely that positive interactions will increase in the future.
You will be noticing the good things others do as they happen and spontaneously expressing your thanks. Your relationships will improve and you’ll be making your good life better.
Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon. Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine. Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.
Tags: appreciation, happiness, improve your relationships, relationship