If you’re like most people, you live with a tottering tower of ‘to do’. If you are on top of what needs to be done, chances are, you keep a ‘To Do’ List.

To Do Lists are terrific for managing your ‘to do’s’. You don’t need to worry about forgetting what it is you need to do. You don’t need to keep track in your head of the multitude of items once they are written down. When you’ve accomplished a task you can check it off your list, providing a momentary sense of triumph.

Here’s the problem with To Do lists: they are like the hydra, the many headed monster of Greek mythology. When any one of the hydra’s heads was cut off, two grew in its place.

If your ‘To Do’ list is kept electronically, the completed items disappear as soon as you delete them to be replaced immediately with the next tasks which arise, or those you’ve been postponing. If you maintain your To Do List with paper and pencil, you cross off the completed items and add new ones. When the list becomes too much of a mess, or you turn the page to begin a new week, you copy over the not yet completed tasks and start all over again.

Either way, no matter how many items you accomplish, there’s a never-ending phalanx of new items ready to immediately take their place. The focus always remains on all of the things you have yet to do, while your accomplishments disappear out of your consciousness and into the ether (or your waste basket).

This can become daunting and, ultimately, discouraging. You may feel like a hamster scurrying furiously on its wheel, never making headway against the constant torrent of To Do. The sense of never being able to accomplish enough undermines your confidence and self-esteem.

To get legitimate satisfaction from all that you’ve accomplished, and build your confidence and self-esteem, create a companion for your ‘To Do’ List: an ‘I’ve Done It!’ List.

It’s easy to lose track of or minimize your real accomplishments. Keeping a record of what you have achieved provides you with concrete evidence you can use to provide encouragement and build your confidence.

When you complete a task, rather than simply deleting it from your electronic To Do List or crossing it off your paper and pencil one, transfer it to your ‘I’ve Done It!’ List. Make a habit of referring regularly to your list of accomplishments to remind you of the progress you are making on important projects in your life and boost your self-esteem. Any time you feel overwhelmed or discouraged, get out your ‘I’ve Done It!’ List, and enhance your confidence by reminding yourself of how far you really have come.

By focusing on your accomplishments, you will build confidence that energizes and empowers you to tackle your ‘To Do’ List with renewed vigor. The increased self-esteem you experience will lead to further success, helping you to make your good life better.

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.

In these times of economic downturn it’s good to know that some of the most effective ways to manage your stress cost nothing at all.  Here are seven of them:

1. Take a relaxation break.

If you are overwhelmed with too much to do or when you get upset about people or things you cannot control, give yourself some time to calm down and get a fresh perspective.  This might be as simple as taking a few deep breaths or going for a brief walk.  You will return better able to handle whatever challenges you face.

2. Exercise.

Exercise such as jogging or riding a bicycle helps you to relax and produces endorphins, those chemicals in your body that produce a natural high.  The repetitive motion of such activities creates a meditative state that enhances creativity.

You can get extra energy during the day from simple stretches such as side bends or reaching high above your head and then bending over to touch your toes.  You don’t even have to get up from your seat to turn your head slowly to the left and the right, holding the stretch for a minute or two. You can clench your fist and then expand your fingers as far as they will go to relieve the stress of keyboarding.

3. Spend time with people you enjoy.

Whether on the phone, over the internet or in person, interact with people you care about and who care about you.  You stay connected when you share your joys and triumphs, your disappointments and sorrows.  The support you give and receive helps you recognize how much you matter to others.

4. Release negative and self-critical thinking.

There are many things, such as the economy, over which you have no control.  You can, however, control your thinking.  Negative and self-critical thoughts create stress (and distress).  Reducing or eliminating these thoughts will help you to manage your stress.

First become aware of negative thoughts when they arise.  Gently challenge your negative or self-critical thoughts.  Point out truths that contradict the undermining things you say to yourself.  For example, when you hear yourself saying that you never do anything right or you always do everything wrong, point out contradictory examples to debunk these unfair judgments.

5. Engage in affectionate physical contact.

Hug your friends and family.  Find someone with whom you can exchange a neck and shoulder massage.  Love your spouse. If you’re not married, love your lover.  Pet your dog or cat.

Everyone needs to be rubbed.  Create opportunities to give and receive physical affection.

6. Spend time in nature.

We evolved over millennia in intimate connection with the Earth and the other creatures with whom we share this incredible planet.  The more time you spend in front of the TV or a computer screen, or walking on concrete sidewalks along city streets or speeding along highways, the more cut off you become from the nourishing effects of connecting with nature.

Spend time in the woods or by a lake or stream or on a beach to create a sense of calm.  Slow down to notice the beauty that is all around – birdsong, the sparkle of the sun reflected in water, the unexpected treasure of a mushroom or wildflower peeking out from dead leaves, the grandeur of a tree.  Even if you live in the middle of a big city, you can find grass, trees and open sky in a park not too far away.

7. Do something kind for someone else.

Research shows that acts of kindness provide more lasting satisfaction for the giver than engaging in enjoyable activities (which might cost a great deal more).  Be open to opportunities to say or do kind things for the people around you – both those you know and even perfect strangers.  Notice how good it feels when someone extends an unexpected courtesy to you.  Discover the pleasure of doing the same for those around you.

Please note: none of these activities costs you a penny.  No matter how financially challenged you may be, you can do any of these things to manage your stress and make your good life better.

Qatana Samanen, Ph.D.
Qatana’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon. Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine. Qatana has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.

In previous newsletters we focused on turning negative thinking into positive beliefs to transform self-criticism and worry.  We also examined worry from and energetic perspective.  In this installment we look at ways you can master your worry by channeling its energy.

If I tell you not to think of a pink elephant, what are you going to do?  Think of a pink elephant, of course!

Telling yourself, “Don’t worry” is rarely effective.  The “worry” part is what registers in your unconscious mind, not the ‘don’t’.  When you provide yourself with alternatives to worrying, you enable yourself to channel your energy in more productive directions.

As we discussed in last month’s newsletter, the energy that fuels worry is neutral.  You can direct that same energy into more positive actions if you commit yourself to do so.

Three Ways to Channel Worry Energy into Positive ActivityIt’s easier to redirect your energy if you have something specific to do with it.  Here are three ways you can channel your worry energy so you can harness it for positive outcome:

1. Give yourself high quality worry time.

You may actually value your worrying.  After all, worry can feel protective.  Considering every possible negative outcome can give you confidence that there will be no unpleasant surprises.  The problem comes when worry takes over your life, intruding at any moment of the day or night to distract you from what you really need to focus on.Instead of letting worry take over, set aside brief periods throughout the day devoted to high quality worry.  It’s up to you to decide how often you need to worry and how long each period should last.  You might want to devote the last five minutes of every hour of your waking day to high quality worry, or you might prefer 20 minute sessions morning, afternoon and evening.

During high quality worry time you focus all of your attention on whatever you’re anxious about.  You can allow yourself to get as worked up as you want about anything that’s bothering you.  Once the designated time is up, you turn your attention back to whatever needs to be done in your life.  If worry intrudes at any other time in the day, you very patiently and gently remind yourself that now is not the time to worry.  You turn your attention back to whatever it is that you were doing, confident that before long you will once again have some high quality worry time available to devote yourself wholeheartedly to your concern.  If the schedule you initially choose doesn’t work for you, modify it until you find one that does.  As you practice high quality worrying, you may gradually decrease your sessions in length or frequency.

2. Keep a Worry Journal.

Keep a journal in which you record all of your worries.  You can carry a small notebook wherever you go and keep a running account of your worries throughout the day.  Or you might want to keep a notebook next to your bed and each night before you go to sleep record the major worries of the day.  Worries have a way of circling endlessly in your head.  One worry can seem like twenty when it comes around again and again.  When you write your worries down they become more manageable.  Sometimes a worry loses its power when seen in black and white.  You can go back over your worry journal weekly or monthly.

It can be extremely instructive to review your worries and notice the actual outcome in each situation.  Often the things you worry about never occur.  Other times they happen but you handle them just fine. This powerful lesson in reality can help you reduce your worry in the future.

3. Focus your attention in the present.

When you worry you are lost between your ears.  You are focused on some feared outcome in the future.  Though these thoughts and feelings may consume you, whatever you are imagining is less real than what is around you.  Take a deep breath.  Turn your attention to your surroundings. Notice anything in your environment that you can appreciate – the beauty of nature, someone you love, some music you really enjoy.  Whatever your worry, it’s a hypothetical situation off somewhere in the future.  The moment you are living in is real.  It is a gift.  That’s why it’s called the present. Appreciate it fully.  It’s really all you have.

Focusing in the present helps to put what you are worrying about into a larger perspective.  You can see that while your concern is a part of your life, it is only one part of a much larger whole.  When you focus on what works in your life, you diminish the power of your worry.  When you re-channel your worry energy in more positive directions, you’ll be sure to make your good life better.

Qatana Samanen, Ph.D.
Qatana’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine. Qatana has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.