1.  Take Several Breaks Daily

If you ever observe a young child or a pet, you’ll notice that after periods of intense activity they always conk out for a rest.  We are all hardwired for this pattern of activity followed by rest.

Going from one activity to the next, to the next without a break creates stress. Unmitigated stress leads to physical, mental and emotional exhaustion.  When you’re intensively focused on achieving your goals, you may overlook the costs to yourself and your relationships of unrelenting work until irreparable harm has been done.  Achieving healthy live balance goes a long way toward helping you manage your stress.

I have wanted to come public with this name, but had hesitated, fearful of how people might react.  Then my own inner guidance reminded me how essential it is for me to live my message.  How can I expect others to learn from me to seek their inner truth and then live by it, regardless of the reactions of others, if I am unwilling or unable to do this myself?

Stepping beyond that fear and acting on something I’d been committed to doing for some time, deeply moved me.

And guess what date was set by the court for the final hearing!  Valentine’s Day, 2011!

I hope that my moving beyond my fear to do something I know is right will inspire you to do the same!

To get a feel for a yes and a no, simply state something that you know to be true of yourself and muscle test it.  Then state something you know to be false for yourself and muscle test that statement.

Let’s say that you are a married man named John, living in Chicago.  You can say “I’m a man,” and then muscle test.  You’ll be able to feel what a firm “yes” response feels like.  Then say “I am a woman.”  You’ll notice the difference when the circle of your fingers breaks open under the pressure you are exerting.  Try again with “My name is John,” and “My name is Mildred,” or “I live in Chicago,” then, “I live in Tahiti,” or “I’m married,” then “I’m single.”  As you practice with a series of statements such as these, you will become more tuned in to how “yes” feels and how you experience “no”.

Once familiar with this technique, you can use it to replace uncertainty with clarity in any yes/no decision you need to make .

When I was working on controlling my weight, I would enter a bakery, an old habit of mine.  Instead of immediately buying myself a treat, as I was accustomed to doing, I’d stand there and silently ask myself, “Should I get that yummy cruller?” Then I would muscle test.  When I came up with a “no”, I’d ask about the brownie.  “No” again.  Thinking that the bran muffin might be somewhat more virtuous, I’d muscle test about a bran muffin, only to receive “no” one last time. Ultimately, I’d walk out without buying anything. I knew that choosing to be guided by my inner wisdom was the best option.  In this way I was able to resist temptation and, ultimately, achieve my weight-loss goals.

This technique will provide clarity about what is right for you in any yes/no decision you are facing.  Consistently align your decisions with your inner wisdom and you will certainly make your good life better.

When you are looking for a quick yes or no answer and are uncertain which way to go, muscle testing offers easy access to your inner wisdom.

Muscle testing works on the principle that your muscles respond to the energy in your body.

When something is true or right for you, your muscles remain strong. This is a yes.
When something is not right for you, your muscles give way. This is a no.

How do you muscle test?

You muscle test by exerting gentle pressure on a muscle.  If the muscle resists, the answer is yes.  If it gives way, the answer is no.  It’s as simple as that.

Another person can help you muscle test by pressing down on your outstretched arm.  If your arm holds firm, you are getting a “yes” signal.  When the arm releases, a “no” is indicated.

You can muscle test yourself using your hands. Make a circle by touching the tips of the thumb and pinkie of your left hand together.  Then slip the thumb and index fingers of your right hand up through the circle from below.  Open up the fingers of your right hand to press gently but firmly on the circle.  If the circle holds, the answer is “yes”.  If the circle breaks, the answer is “no.”

Avoid rigidly resisting, as that can provide a false positive.  Instead, allow a suppleness that is responsive to the message coming to you from within.

Next week I will help you get a better feel for a yes and a no….

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.

1. Give and Receive Love

Your relationships are what nourish you the most, whether with family, friends or pets.  Be kind to those around you.  Be willing to give and receive support, encouragement, hugs.  Make time for those you care about.

Research has shown that kindness to others provides more lasting satisfaction than having fun.

2.    Do Meaningful Work:

Meaningful work may be a job you care about, whether it’s work you get paid for, or taking care of your family. Meaningful work might be volunteering at a local hospice or teaching Sunday school.

Meaningful work can also be a hobby or interest you pursue, such as singing in a choir, collecting rare coins or quilting.

Meaningful work gives purpose and joy to your life.

3.    Nourish Your Body Properly:

You need a healthy body to enjoy life.  When you take the time to eat nutritious foods, you provide your body with what it needs to function properly.

You feel better when you eat with awareness.  Stop eating when you are full. Listen to your body and choose the foods your body loves.  These may be different from the foods you crave.  Really notice how the foods you eat affect you and make your food choices accordingly.

4.    Exercise and Rest:

Exercise provides your body with the activity it needs to remain healthy.  It also produces endorphins, those hormones that create a natural high.

Ample rest is as important as exercise.  People who get ample sleep do better on every measure of physical and psychological health.

Watch a young child or a pet and you will notice vigorous activity immediately followed by rest.  They run around like crazy and then conk out.  We are hard-wired to do this.  Make sure you get enough of both.

5.    Cultivate a Practice of Reflection:

Provide yourself with regular opportunity to reflect on your life.  You can take a walk during your lunch hour or turn off the radio in your car on the way home.  You might keep a daily journal or spend time in church focusing on the past week and the one ahead.

This is time to take stock of what is working in your life and what you would like to see different and better. You will gain awareness that enables you to be more in control of your life.

Taking time for quiet reflection will also help you to calm and center yourself.  This is a great way to manage the stress in your life.

You can think of these elements as a beautiful flower with five petals.  When you practice all of them, you will definitely make your good life better!

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.

5.    Maintenance:

Most people enter the Action stage filled with enthusiasm and excitement.  There is a sense of euphoria as they begin to see positive change and experience the benefits that this brings.

It is much more of a challenge to maintain that change.  As you move further from the negative experiences created by the old behavior, it becomes easier to minimize their costs.  Temptations arise which can be difficult to resist.

Maintenance is the long haul during which old habits are being replaced by new ones.  Lapses are common during the Maintenance phase.  It may be necessary to return to Planning or even to Contemplation to remedy these lapses.

Some people who lapse in the Maintenance stage get so discouraged that they return to Precontemplation.  Don’t let this happen to you!

When you understand that change rarely proceeds in a straight line, you can recognize a lapse as a normal part of the change process and get quickly back on track.

6.    Termination (Transformation):

Once the new habits have replaced the old, maladaptive behaviors you can consider yourself in what Prochaska labels the Termination phase.  I prefer the term Transformation.

In Transformation, the desired change has been accomplished.  With the new behaviors established, you are no longer the same person.  You couldn’t imagine going back to the old behavior patterns. You have achieved your goal.

Understanding the process of change will help you achieve your goals and make your good life better!  If you would like to learn more about the six stages of change, I heartily recommend Prochaska’s book, Changing for Good.

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.

3.    Planning:

Once you have committed to bringing about a change in your life, the next step is to figure out how to do it. You plan your behavior change.

You identify your goal.  You research the various ways you might achieve your goal.  You enlist help.  Often people show up for coaching when they reach the Planning stage, knowing that a coach can help them clarify their goal as well as the steps they need to accomplish it.

Once you have formulated a workable plan, you are ready to move into Action.

4.    Action:

You implement your plan in the Action phase.  This phase can be seen as an experiment in which you learn which parts of your plan work and where the unforeseen obstacles lie.

Circling between Action and Planning is an inevitable part of the change process.  No plan is perfect.  It is essential to view any problems which arise as an opportunity to improve your plan.

Once your action plan is proceeding smoothly, you are ready to move into the most challenging stage of all.

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.

Prochaska not only characterized the stages of change.  He also identified the accomplishments necessary in each to move to the next stage.  I offer you both.

1.    Precontemplation:

Precontemplation describes the period before you are aware that a change is necessary.  Another word for Precontemplation is denial.

In Precontemplation, you are living with a problem but refusing to acknowledge that change needs to happen.  Others around you may clearly recognize that you need to change, but you insist that the situation is not so serious that you can’t handle it.

If you are in Precontemplation, before you can to move to the next stage you need to be willing to consider the possibility that change may be necessary.  You need to recognize that the costs of maintaining the problem behavior may be greater than the costs of changing it.

2.    Contemplation:

Once you’ve moved out of Precontemplation, you are willing to understand the truth about the problem behavior or situation and consider the alternatives.  Contemplation is the learning stage in which you gather information.

In the stage of Contemplation you examine the pros and cons of the various options available to you.  You honestly assess all of the costs and benefits of allowing the situation to continue.  You also look at the pluses and minuses of doing things differently. You become fully informed.

Some people go back and forth between Precontemplation and Contemplation for a while before they are ready to move ahead.  You are ready to move to the next stage when, on the basis of your analysis, you embrace the need to change.

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.

Research has shown, however, that change is actually a more complex and circular process.  In his study of people who successfully quit smoking, James Prochaska identified six stages which characterize any behavioral change. Understanding these six stages of change can help you achieve your goals.

In addition, Prochaska found that few of his subjects actually marched through these steps one after the other.  Instead most of them circled through a number of times before they became and remained non-smokers.

This is important for you to know if you are attempting a behavioral change or if someone you know is.  It’s easy to view a lapse as failure, to become discouraged or even give up.

Instead, you can recognize lapses as a normal part of the change process.  By being aware of the six stages, you will be better prepared to deal with any setbacks and get quickly back on track.

In the next few posts we will go over some of these changes  – to help make your good life better!

Change is hard.  The path of least resistance leads straight to the familiar ways of doing things.  The demands of your busy life distract your attention from your behavior change project.  Old habits have a way of reasserting themselves.

Accountability Will Help You Succeed!

In life coaching, accountability is one of the most powerful tools for helping people succeed.  Accountability literally means making an account.  When you know you are going to make an account to someone else, you are more likely to follow through with the steps you’ve committed to for reaching your goal.   An on-going relationship with someone to whom you make an account  helps you stay on track over time.

Involving another person in your behavior change program helps you strengthen your commitment and maintain your focus.  When things go well you have someone to celebrate with.  When problems arise there’s someone to help you identify what went wrong and figure out how to get back on track.

Here are three ways you can create accountability in your life:

1. Enlist a Friend:

You have probably noticed that you’re more likely to stick with an exercise program when you find a buddy to participate with you.  If you just don’t feel like getting up early one morning to take that run, you’re much more likely to get moving if you know you’ll let your friend down if you don’t show up.

You can make a contest of it, seeing who reaches a weight loss or savings plan goal first.  You could also make a bet with a friend or family member.  If you succeed at your behavior change, you win your bet in addition to the satisfaction of achieving your goal.

Engaging a friend or family member will not only help you succeed.  Working toward a shared goal will provide companionship and strengthen the relationship.

2. Join a Group or a Class:

When you make a group or a class a part of your weekly schedule, you improve the chances that you’ll follow through.  The structure of a weekly class or group creates a routine in your life that becomes a regular habit.

It can be much easier to get to the gym for an exercise class, than to work out on your own.  If you try doing it at home, it’s easy to get distracted by the kids, the TV, or the thousands of other things you need to do around the house.

Participation in a group brings you into contact with others who share your interests or goals.  Other members can offer encouragement and support.  If you are motivated by competition, comparing your progress to others’ can provide an incentive.  Twelve Step, weight loss, and smoking cessation groups all provide ongoing support to help you establish and maintain healthy behaviors.  Joining a book group provides social interaction and stimulating conversation, in addition to making sure that you get those books read.

If your goal is developing a new skill, such as photography or playing the guitar, or pursuing an interest such as becoming a wine connoisseur, a class provides information and guidance in a systematic manner.  You can also expand your social network when you come into contact with others who share your interests.

3. Hire a Life Coach:

A life coach is a professional, with expertise in helping you achieve your goals.  Your regularly scheduled meetings keep you focused on your objectives amid the distractions of your daily life.  Reporting on your progress, both in and between sessions, creates the accountability and support  that maximize the likelihood of your following through on action steps.  The feedback you receive, whether celebration of successes or problem solving to address unexpected challenges, will help you to succeed.

Whatever your goal, you increase the chances that you will succeed if you create accountability.  And achieving your goals will make your good life better.

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.