The best way to self-care is to intersperse brief periods of re-creation throughout your day.  Over the next several days you will be given several ways to achieve this self-care, none of which needs to take more than 5 to 10 minutes:

1.  Take Several Breaks Daily

If you ever observe a young child or a pet, you’ll notice that after periods of intense activity they always conk out for a rest.  We are all hardwired for this pattern of activity followed by rest.

Going from one activity to the next, to the next without a break creates stress. Unmitigated stress leads to physical, mental and emotional exhaustion.  When you’re intensively focused on achieving your goals, you may overlook the costs to yourself and your relationships of unrelenting work until irreparable harm has been done.  Achieving healthy live balance goes a long way toward helping you manage your stress.

Today was an incredibly big day for me.  I went to the county court house to initiate the process of legally changing my name to Qatana, a name that came to me in a dream many years ago, a name that I’ve been using in sacred space, like when I lead workshops.

I have wanted to come public with this name, but had hesitated, fearful of how people might react.  Then my own inner guidance reminded me how essential it is for me to live my message.  How can I expect others to learn from me to seek their inner truth and then live by it, regardless of the reactions of others, if I am unwilling or unable to do this myself?

Stepping beyond that fear and acting on something I’d been committed to doing for some time, deeply moved me.

And guess what date was set by the court for the final hearing!  Valentine’s Day, 2011!

I hope that my moving beyond my fear to do something I know is right will inspire you to do the same!

As promised last week….

To get a feel for a yes and a no, simply state something that you know to be true of yourself and muscle test it.  Then state something you know to be false for yourself and muscle test that statement.

Let’s say that you are a married man named John, living in Chicago.  You can say “I’m a man,” and then muscle test.  You’ll be able to feel what a firm “yes” response feels like.  Then say “I am a woman.”  You’ll notice the difference when the circle of your fingers breaks open under the pressure you are exerting.  Try again with “My name is John,” and “My name is Mildred,” or “I live in Chicago,” then, “I live in Tahiti,” or “I’m married,” then “I’m single.”  As you practice with a series of statements such as these, you will become more tuned in to how “yes” feels and how you experience “no”.

Once familiar with this technique, you can use it to replace uncertainty with clarity in any yes/no decision you need to make .

When I was working on controlling my weight, I would enter a bakery, an old habit of mine.  Instead of immediately buying myself a treat, as I was accustomed to doing, I’d stand there and silently ask myself, “Should I get that yummy cruller?” Then I would muscle test.  When I came up with a “no”, I’d ask about the brownie.  “No” again.  Thinking that the bran muffin might be somewhat more virtuous, I’d muscle test about a bran muffin, only to receive “no” one last time. Ultimately, I’d walk out without buying anything. I knew that choosing to be guided by my inner wisdom was the best option.  In this way I was able to resist temptation and, ultimately, achieve my weight-loss goals.

This technique will provide clarity about what is right for you in any yes/no decision you are facing.  Consistently align your decisions with your inner wisdom and you will certainly make your good life better.

When you are looking for a quick yes or no answer and are uncertain which way to go, muscle testing offers easy access to your inner wisdom. By identifying your inner truth you gain the clarity to guide your decision.  You can trust the decisions you make when they are based on your own inner truth.

Muscle testing works on the principle that your muscles respond to the energy in your body.

When something is true or right for you, your muscles remain strong. This is a yes.
When something is not right for you, your muscles give way. This is a no.

How do you muscle test?

You muscle test by exerting gentle pressure on a muscle.  If the muscle resists, the answer is yes.  If it gives way, the answer is no.  It’s as simple as that.

Another person can help you muscle test by pressing down on your outstretched arm.  If your arm holds firm, you are getting a “yes” signal.  When the arm releases, a “no” is indicated.

You can muscle test yourself using your hands. Make a circle by touching the tips of the thumb and pinkie of your left hand together.  Then slip the thumb and index fingers of your right hand up through the circle from below.  Open up the fingers of your right hand to press gently but firmly on the circle.  If the circle holds, the answer is “yes”.  If the circle breaks, the answer is “no.”

Avoid rigidly resisting, as that can provide a false positive.  Instead, allow a suppleness that is responsive to the message coming to you from within.

Next week I will help you get a better feel for a yes and a no….

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.

In my work as a life coach, I find that there are five basic ingredients that lead to sustained happiness.  Cultivate these deceptively simple behaviors and you will make your good life better.

1. Give and Receive Love:

Your relationships are what nourish you the most, whether with family, friends or pets.  Be kind to those around you.  Be willing to give and receive support, encouragement, hugs.  Make time for those you care about.

Research has shown that kindness to others provides more lasting satisfaction than having fun.

2.    Do Meaningful Work:

Meaningful work may be a job you care about, whether it’s work you get paid for, or taking care of your family. Meaningful work might be volunteering at a local hospice or teaching Sunday school.

Meaningful work can also be a hobby or interest you pursue, such as singing in a choir, collecting rare coins or quilting.

Meaningful work gives purpose and joy to your life.

3.    Nourish Your Body Properly:

You need a healthy body to enjoy life.  When you take the time to eat nutritious foods, you provide your body with what it needs to function properly.

You feel better when you eat with awareness.  Stop eating when you are full. Listen to your body and choose the foods your body loves.  These may be different from the foods you crave.  Really notice how the foods you eat affect you and make your food choices accordingly.

4.    Exercise and Rest:

Exercise provides your body with the activity it needs to remain healthy.  It also produces endorphins, those hormones that create a natural high.

Ample rest is as important as exercise.  People who get ample sleep do better on every measure of physical and psychological health.

Watch a young child or a pet and you will notice vigorous activity immediately followed by rest.  They run around like crazy and then conk out.  We are hard-wired to do this.  Make sure you get enough of both.

5.    Cultivate a Practice of Reflection:

Provide yourself with regular opportunity to reflect on your life.  You can take a walk during your lunch hour or turn off the radio in your car on the way home.  You might keep a daily journal or spend time in church focusing on the past week and the one ahead.

This is time to take stock of what is working in your life and what you would like to see different and better. You will gain awareness that enables you to be more in control of your life.

Taking time for quiet reflection will also help you to calm and center yourself.  This is a great way to manage the stress in your life.

You can think of these elements as a beautiful flower with five petals.  When you practice all of them, you will definitely make your good life better!

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.

We talked last time about Precontemplation and Contemplation, the next two stages of change are:

3.    Planning:

Once you have committed to bringing about a change in your life, the next step is to figure out how to do it. You plan your behavior change.

You identify your goal.  You research the various ways you might achieve your goal.  You enlist help.  Often people show up for coaching when they reach the Planning stage, knowing that a coach can help them clarify their goal as well as the steps they need to accomplish it.

Once you have formulated a workable plan, you are ready to move into Action.

4.    Action:

You implement your plan in the Action phase.  This phase can be seen as an experiment in which you learn which parts of your plan work and where the unforeseen obstacles lie.

Circling between Action and Planning is an inevitable part of the change process.  No plan is perfect.  It is essential to view any problems which arise as an opportunity to improve your plan.

Once your action plan is proceeding smoothly, you are ready to move into the most challenging stage of all.

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.

Prochaska not only characterized the stages of change.  He also identified the accomplishments necessary in each to move to the next stage.  I offer you both.

1.    Precontemplation:

Precontemplation describes the period before you are aware that a change is necessary.  Another word for Precontemplation is denial.

In Precontemplation, you are living with a problem but refusing to acknowledge that change needs to happen.  Others around you may clearly recognize that you need to change, but you insist that the situation is not so serious that you can’t handle it.

If you are in Precontemplation, before you can to move to the next stage you need to be willing to consider the possibility that change may be necessary.  You need to recognize that the costs of maintaining the problem behavior may be greater than the costs of changing it.

2.    Contemplation:

Once you’ve moved out of Precontemplation, you are willing to understand the truth about the problem behavior or situation and consider the alternatives.  Contemplation is the learning stage in which you gather information.

In the stage of Contemplation you examine the pros and cons of the various options available to you.  You honestly assess all of the costs and benefits of allowing the situation to continue.  You also look at the pluses and minuses of doing things differently. You become fully informed.

Some people go back and forth between Precontemplation and Contemplation for a while before they are ready to move ahead.  You are ready to move to the next stage when, on the basis of your analysis, you embrace the need to change.

Jeannette Samanen, Ph.D.
Jeannette’s professional development began with graduate school at the University of Oregon.  Her first post-doctoral position was at the Boston University School of Medicine where, as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry (Psychology), where she specialized in stress management and behavioral medicine.  Jeannette has had over 30 years of experience as a life coach and psychologist and derives great pleasure from helping clients transform their lives for the better.